malevole

21-08-2002 19:58 #


"...and there'll be hundreds of emails waiting for me on my computer, you know. I get them from people I don't know, you know, who are trying to sell me strange things, I get all sorts.
And there was one from Nigeria about my bank account, well, never again..."

14-08-2002 22:01 #

No need to update while on holiday, here's what'll happen...
Day 1: Stressful packing, verging on punch-up by time of departure. Wrong turn leading to minor detour and major argument. Relieved to arrive at B&B. Fail to find decent evening meal. Resort to foul half-cooked chips in dodgy takeaway.
Day 2: Quiet day, but get lost on way back to B&B. End up walking several miles in wide circle while trading accusations.
Day 3: Attempt supposedly straightforward mountain walk. Unexpected downpour of rain. Dispute over directions. Descent into Blair-Witch-Project-type wanderings and despair. Eventual arrival at civilisation followed by trudge back via simpler route.
Day 4/5/6: Visit quiet scenic area. Take photos of mountains and lakes. Consume pastries in tourist café. Take photos of rocks. Consume pastries in tourist café. Wander back to B&B.
Day 7: Return home. Notice strange smell in flat. Eat whatever's lasted the week without growing mould. Don't unpack. Sleep.

11-08-2002 23:02 #


  Afrotastic
  The Identikit Project

10-08-2002 01:06 #

My Late 5k Entry
(requires Flash 5; resize window if slow)

I somehow managed to miss the deadline despite having it ready weeks in advance. Ah well, congratulations to the winners.

06-08-2002 22:52 #

SALE BEDDING 3 PACKS FOR PRICE OF 2

Over the past two years I've passed this garden centre countless times, at various times of day, yet I've never seen any customers. Not one.

I reckon there must be a secret gambling den in the greenhouses, filled with octagenarians from the local nursing homes betting their pensions on Blackjack and which marigold will flower first.

04-08-2002 16:39 #

I've no idea what happened this weekend, it's a blank. I got home Friday evening and had some food, next thing I know I'm waking up, it's Sunday afternoon, and there's this page sitting on the server.

All I can recall are vague flashbacks of Photoshop's layers palette, the Print-Scrn key and insane cackling. Perhaps I need a holiday.

02-08-2002 07:13 #

After a hard day's work, there's nothing I like more than to come home to the amplified sound of dodgy singing and guitar-playing drifting across from events at the rugby club.

Is this [mp3] really 'Are you wired up to the power of the Lord?', or did I mishear something less amusing/likely to involve electrodes..?

30-07-2002 22:17 #

A unique site

Where else would you find a combination of animated rainbow horizontal rules, slightly scary politics and Skeletor fan-fiction?

29-07-2002 12:24 #

Wine + Trivial Pursuit =

"What's another name for a badminton bird?"
"A spoonbill"

"What animal was Napolean most afraid of?"
"Er.. elephants?"
"Well he wouldn't have seen many of those would he?"
"Exactly, it must've scared the fuck out of him when he did"

"Who commanded the Jolly Roger in Peter Pan?"
"Captain Cook"

"Who is Britain's Defender of the Faith?"
"He-Man? Or Man-at-Arms? Is it Man-at-Arms or Man-of-Arms? Men-of-Arms? Has he got lots of arms or something?"
"You're just being silly now."

28-07-2002 14:55 #

Sorry for the lack of updates over the past week, I've been busy rearranging my sock drawer (sorting by colour is so 1990s) and striving to design a superhero who doesn't look incredibly camp (no success so far).

Spud-U-PostThe Natural Living Show is on nearby at the moment, where middle-aged women can get touched by a bearded bloke (spiritual healing), sit in a tent without the canvas (mystical energy pyramid) or buy postcards featuring potatoes. All this inspired me to try to take a photo of my aura, with interesting results.


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