02-09-2002 22:41 #

Yarr! Paint with voles!
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Puppy Slush
After 4 days left abandoned at the water cooler by its owner, a mysterious liquid has now separated into a dark brown fluid with lumps of pale scum settled at the bottom. It's on course to either grow a new antibiotic or achieve independent thought by the end of the week.

29-08-2002 19:59 #

If you're the Canadian who found this site via a search for the phrase "crusty brown patch on gums" then erm.. please consult a doctor immediately, or a dentist, someone, anyone.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Brace your brain for the Monty Hall Dilemma.

28-08-2002 21:38 #

Subject: A sincere apology

Look, I'm sorry. I'm the one who, for years, has subjected you to an endless barrage of unwanted emails full of random rambling rubbish.

I didn't realise what I was doing. I thoughtlessly used your address to test hundreds of forms and ecards in sites I was building, oblivious to your distress and inconvenience.

I hope you can accept this sincere apology and my assurances that it won't happen again (I now use instead, he's a cunt).


27-08-2002 21:38 #


Archie the woodlouse
wants us all to know more
about his species, but..
er... well, I think he's got
a bit of an identity crisis. Track him down amongst the notes and you'll soon understand what I mean.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

What did wasps do all summer before there were beer gardens..?

26-08-2002 14:22 #

25-08-2002 16:16 #

Why do the covers of puzzle magazines always feature a slightly-dopy-looking woman?

Mensa application form

Occasionally there's a female celebrity (Dido, Felicity Kendal), but usually it's an anonymous vacant grin alongside the free pen.

It's vaguely similar to the top shelf. Perhaps those who are too shy/short settle for a bit of hot word-on-word action..?

21-08-2002 19:58 #

"...and there'll be hundreds of emails waiting for me on my computer, you know. I get them from people I don't know, you know, who are trying to sell me strange things, I get all sorts.
And there was one from Nigeria about my bank account, well, never again..."

14-08-2002 22:01 #

No need to update while on holiday, here's what'll happen...
Day 1: Stressful packing, verging on punch-up by time of departure. Wrong turn leading to minor detour and major argument. Relieved to arrive at B&B. Fail to find decent evening meal. Resort to foul half-cooked chips in dodgy takeaway.
Day 2: Quiet day, but get lost on way back to B&B. End up walking several miles in wide circle while trading accusations.
Day 3: Attempt supposedly straightforward mountain walk. Unexpected downpour of rain. Dispute over directions. Descent into Blair-Witch-Project-type wanderings and despair. Eventual arrival at civilisation followed by trudge back via simpler route.
Day 4/5/6: Visit quiet scenic area. Take photos of mountains and lakes. Consume pastries in tourist café. Take photos of rocks. Consume pastries in tourist café. Wander back to B&B.
Day 7: Return home. Notice strange smell in flat. Eat whatever's lasted the week without growing mould. Don't unpack. Sleep.

11-08-2002 23:02 #

  The Identikit Project

10-08-2002 01:06 #

My Late 5k Entry
(requires Flash 5; resize window if slow)

I somehow managed to miss the deadline despite having it ready weeks in advance. Ah well, congratulations to the winners.

older notes...