06-05-2003 21:21 #

Having spent a weekend scraping, filling, sanding and painting walls I can confirm that The Karate Kid misled us all; performing repetitive property maintenance tasks does not result in arse-kicking martial arts abilities.

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They should just rig up a free barbecue
If you're a smoker going for a walk through the lovely Ryton Wood, it might be a good idea to avoid lighting up until you're well away from ex-landfill Ryton Pools...

25-04-2003 19:35 #

Morcs decided not to eat this, but surely a bit of mottled green fried egg wouldn't have done him any harm?
Can't decide which it reminds me of more: a scene from Alien or that oft-emailed photo of the weightlifter with the prolapse

22-04-2003 21:50 #

From: chobb
Date: 21 April 2003 22:05

Just when I think our site's good I go and see yours. Godammit it you're too talented by half and them some more.
I've sent my Mechanical Barrymore after you and I've set him to 'auto-bum'.
(Don't drop your wallet)

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Fucking hell, I don't know about wallets but I'm staying well away from swimming pools for a while.

15-04-2003 09:56 #

I found this Polaroid photo alongside the pavement while walking into work a couple of weeks ago. It's nice to see that, despite the apparently dark, grotty, noisy (note the earplugs) conditions in the factory, the bloke towards the back seems really happy to be there.

13-04-2003 13:25 #

"Tuna and mayo? OK...
I know this stuff does say 'salad cream' on the container and er.. it looks a bit like salad cream.. and it might taste like it to you.. but er.. it is mayonnaise, it's er.. how mayonnaise was when it was invented, the real thing like. Isn't that right, Dave?"

09-04-2003 19:10 #

At my day job we decided to celebrate Easter by producing a game; what could be more appropriate than inbred hillbilly chickens?

"You sure do got a purrty beak"

25-03-2003 21:46 #

"Today I've eaten as many oranges as pickled onions"

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"You know how the time machine in Terminator would only send things inside meat? Couldn't they just cover the robot with Pukka Pies, or tape loads of kittens over it or something?"

16-03-2003 15:39 #

Need some dummy text to temporarily fill a gap in a design or document? Not happy with the usual Latin nonsense?

Try using my handy new Text Generator

15-03-2003 14:08 #

"I'm actually a very safe driver..."
Anyone who's recently watched daytime TV in the UK will no doubt have encountered this amazing advertisement [warning: huge MPEG video file].

It not only features an incredibly subtle, layered performance by Michael Winner (director of Death Wish, Death Wish 2 and Death Wish 3), but also the lowest-velocity crashes ever seen outside of an old people's home car park.

12-03-2003 20:39 #

Forget Dr Pepper, after last week I'm proud to announce this site is now sponsored by Dioralyte Relief™.

Let's just say that er.. the landlord of my digestive tract suddenly ordered a mass eviction by both exits, but thanks to Dioralyte Relief™ I'm now back to full health.
Dioralyte Relief™, for all your gastrointestinal needs.

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