27-09-2003 14:21 #

An unpleasant Bernard Manning lookalike/soundalike overheard on the train:

"The bad news is I'm coming back to the office, the good news is you'll have fucked off by then."
"1000 friggin' quid? I don't care about ACAS, they can take 700 and fuck off."
"Give her the push. Just email it to her, she's not worth the fucking postage."
"Oh it's that suspect invoices thing again, they've tried to get me on that before..."

I don't know who he works for, but if you're in the South Eastern sales division you're probably going to be laid off next month.

22-09-2003 22:14 #

Blimey, you lot are really into your guns and serial killers.

Some text has been adjusted and a question replaced in the quiz after the sloppiness of my research was pointed out numerous times.

To ensure this lapse won't be repeated I've ordered several large firearms and subscribed to Sicko Killers Monthly.

14-08-2003 22:13 #

Ape-ocalypse Now, Gibbons of Mass Destruction, etc. etc.Destroy Ape Technology

'Blessed Quietness' from Balaam's Ass... until the MIDI kicks in

Secret Chimp

A carefully contrived clutter of images and sound, or simply the natural by-product of a warped mind?

28-07-2003 22:19 #

Programming Language Inventor or Serial Killer?

13-07-2003 16:03 #

Requests for link exchanges are tacky (link to good stuff; be cool and don't expect a link in return), but what could I do when Spelling Mistakes Cost Lives got in touch? There's a legless horse, a crap TV presenter shagging on September 11th, and twisted drawings of Fred West and Lisa Riley.
It's a fucking malevole link magnet, dammit.

09-07-2003 20:36 #

Sky News screenshot
I was impressed by Sky
and Dell's cleverly targeted
'Pick up where you broke
off' and 'Double your
memory' adverts to
accompany this story.

Giving 'control freak' a whole new meaning

Playground Law is full of wonderfully bizarre and politically-incorrect childhood memories.

25-06-2003 22:27 #

A schoolfriend always had dozens of boxes of this evil product in their bathroom. The poor kid was probably mentally (and quite possibly physically) scarred for life.

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MSN screenshot
I'm concerned about their ranking algorithms, but the page title's great.

02-06-2003 21:47 #

Tired of taking crap wide-angle pictures with your camera phone? Hold it up against one side of a pair of binoculars and, hey presto, you've got a zoom lens ideal for taking crap long-distance snaps of kites and sheep.

 Kite. Sheep.

10-05-2003 14:08 #

That daft little animation seems to have gone down pretty well over the past 8 months, with half a million visitors, loads of links, and numerous mentions in print and on TV around the world. But all that was topped by this email:
- - -
From: [name withheld]
I would love to use your Tribute to Ray Harryhausen in a power point presentation. I do leadership development training for the YMCA and think this would be a lot of fun to include.
- - -
(Apparently they loved it, but I'm now somewhat concerned about the future of their organisation; Skeletor's hardly a great leadership role model. Although, to be fair, any manager would find bungling employee Beast Man frustrating to deal with)

06-05-2003 21:21 #

Having spent a weekend scraping, filling, sanding and painting walls I can confirm that The Karate Kid misled us all; performing repetitive property maintenance tasks does not result in arse-kicking martial arts abilities.

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They should just rig up a free barbecue
If you're a smoker going for a walk through the lovely Ryton Wood, it might be a good idea to avoid lighting up until you're well away from ex-landfill Ryton Pools...

older notes...